you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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