6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I cockslap morals
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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