Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
