Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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