so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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