me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
