just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
