the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
