3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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