I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
