i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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