and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
