two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
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