I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
