I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
