No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
