Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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