Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
