YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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