"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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