this boner is exhausting
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
