Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize