I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
