Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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