...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
