Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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