I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My vagina is very pro this idea
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
