Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
