literally had 100 drinks last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
