john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
