The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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