Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
