MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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