I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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