while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
