somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
