you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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