I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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