It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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