Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
