What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
