dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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