Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
