Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
