oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
