oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
