It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
