Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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