Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
