So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
