Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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