fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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