apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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