The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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