i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
