so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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