did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
