Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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