Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
