if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
