its not stalking. its research.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
