one might say we're banned from that church
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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