he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
