The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Randomize
