what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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