I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
