what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
