found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
