The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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