chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
